Squares and Cubes
by Blue Seidr
Summary: "It's always cubes with you." Noted Foaly somewhat randomly. "What's wrong with a nice sphere?" Just a cute little nonsense oneshot to explain why Artemis has always picked cubes. The answer comes from the most unlikely of places. :)


**Hello fellow Fowlnatics! I'm back with another oneshot! My sister was watching Spongebob earlier today and something one of the characters said made me think of one of the things Foaly said in Artemis Fowl, so a half hour of typing later, this was born. Enjoy!**

Five-year-old Artemis Fowl let out a quick high shreak as his baby sitter Juliet threw him over her shoulder. "Juliet! Let me down this instant!" He commanded, banging his fists against her back, knowing that it wouldn't work.

"Sorry Arty, but I'm supposed to be watching you while your mom and dad are supervising the landscape person and D - I mean, Butler practices in the dojo. That means no working in your lab. You could hurt yourself."

Artemis suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Hurt himself? He was already smarter than the average lawyer; he was perfectly capable of running the tools in there.

"Where are you taking me, then?" Artemis asked.

Juliet stopped and looked around. Good question. She hadn't thought that far ahead. She scanned the room looking for something she could use to keep the genius busy. Her eyes fell upon the TV remote and lit up. Perfect.

She plopped Artemis down on the couch and aimed the remote at the flat screen television. The screen flicked on to the last watched channel, which was Nickelodeon. There stood Spongebob Squarepants in all his Technicolor glory.

"There." Juliet said triumphantly. "Watch Spongebob."

"What?! Juliet, you can not be serious! This show is for people with the intelligence of a baboon! It is completely stupid!"

"How do you know? You've never watched it, have you?" Juliet retorted.

"I don't have to to know that show is horrendous."

"You're a scientist, aren't you?" At Artemis's nod, she continued."Then collect data. You only have to watch one episode, then you never have to again if you don't want to." Juliet was firm.

Knowing she would hold him down if she had to, Artemis sighed and gave in. "All right. I will consent to watch the show for morons."

And so Artemis settled back for what he expected to be fifteen minutes of agony. He was not disappointed. The jokes were pathetically unfunny, the plot about a "Fry Cooks Games" extremely crude, and the diolauge horrendous in terms of grammer.

It wasn't even logical. One example stuck with Artemis the entire episode. "Look at him. Square. The shape of evil!"

Preposterous. Shapes weren't evil anymore than numbers or letters or punctuation marks were. They were simply a thing. Of course, Artemis couldn't but silently agree with the tiny green thing that was supposed to be plankton that, in this case, squares were the shape of evil. At least, cubes were, as that was the proper name for the 3-D thing known as Spongebob. Yes, if there was such a thing as a shape of evil, it was cubes.

When the episode was finally, mercifully over, Juliet turned to Artemis and asked, "So?"

Artemis turned an unimpressed gaze onto her and scowled."That as by far the biggest waste of fifteen minutes of my life. I could have been that much closer to finishing my cold fusion reactor, but instead I had to have my brains cells slowly die watching this mindnumbing, sorry excuse for entertainment. I wish to spend the rest of the day in the library, if I am still barred from my own laboratory."

Sighing in defeat, Juliet surrender and allowed Artemis to kill the rest of the day reading from books thicker than he was tall.

* * *

Consciously, Artemis never thought about that day or the dreadful episode of Spongebob he had been forced to endure. But subconsciously, the notation of squares and cubes being the shapes of evil did its rounds in his mind. That is why, years later, he would pick a cube for his micro-supercomputer that became known as the C-Cube, and even more years later, a cube for his invention that would stop global warming that became known as the Icecube.

**Yeah, this really has no plot. Sorry if if's suckish, my other stories are, in my opinion, better. **

**But still, please review, and have a wonderful day/night!**


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